Are We Compatible? The Real Dealbreakers To Look For

Main Takeaways

1. In regular dating, dating without marriage as the goal, compatibility focuses on common interests, attraction, and preferences.

2. The compatibility we’re talking about, the kind you need for marriage, isn’t about shared preferences or hobbies; it is about big picture life goals, shared desires, and established habits.

Action item: Read this article: Want to Meet Your Spouse? Then Meet the Man In the Mirror

3. Something else worth considering is possibly taking a step back and instead of dwelling on compatibility, focus on complementarity—how your strengths, weaknesses, and personality balance out the strengths and weaknesses and personality of your date.

Action item: How well do you know yourself? Take this temperament quiz, a great way to bring to light some things you excel at and some things you are prone to struggle with.

Questions for Reflection

These are good markers of compatibility.

—Will they mesh well with my family? (look at how they interact with your family members and also how they talk about your family when you are not around them)

—Will they be a good father or mother? (watch for how they interact with kids. Invite them to babysit your nieces/nephews or friend’s kids with you)

—Do they care about my spiritual welfare? Will they try to help me get to Heaven? (Does your date make time for sunday mass? Do you talk about God and your faith together?)

—Do we want the same things in life (Are you both interested in starting a family? Can you live the same lifestyle, be that living in the city and going out a fair amount or traveling often, or living a more laidback life in the country?)

—Are they willing to compromise on things or do they insist on their way most of the time?

—Do they sacrifice for me? This can be harder to spot, but notice if they take you into consideration when they make plans, or if they ignore your opinion altogether.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, how well do I know myself? Open my heart to realize that what I need may be different from what I want in a spouse.

St. John Paul II, you understood the complementarity of men and women, please pray for us.